Breastfeeding Is NOT For Everyone

Guys, I’m just gonna be honest, okay?

I hated breastfeeding.

For a long, long time I felt horrible for saying that.

But I don’t care anymore.

I could only breastfeed my girls for two weeks, and it was the most horid two weeks of my motherhood.

With Mikinley, I was SO excited to start the bonding experience of feeding her from my bosom. To have that special connection that only the mother and baby can have.

But as soon as she was born and we started the process, I wanted nothing to do with it.


First of all, she didn’t latch well. I consulted with the lactation and latching experts at the hospital, googled and checked Pinterest for all these different poses, angles, all that jazz. Nothing worked. She was just not a good latcher.

And don’t tell me babies are meant to latch, I’ve heard it before, and NO, Mikinley was not. Plain and simple.

When a baby does not latch correctly, it hurts like a bitch!

I bawled every time I had to feed her.

My poor nip-knobs were so sore, they bled, and I couldn’t wear any top without cringing in pain 100% of the time.

After a few days of torture, I tried to add pumping to give myself a break. I WAS NOT going to give in to formula, because breastfeeding is SO much more important, right? Well, guess what.

Pumping was just as bad.

THE PUMP MADE ME BLEED TOO.

And this was with a nipple guard on. Seriously.


I could only get around 2-3 oz. a day, even with pumping on a schedule, chugging water, all those home remedies that are supposed to increase your supply.

And of that 2-3 oz., about ¼ of it was blood. After consulting a doctor, I was told this was okay, as long as there was more milk than blood.

Uh, what? I should not be bleeding at all. My child did not have teeth, why did it feel like I was feeding a baby deinonychus.

Yes, that’s a dinosaur and yes, I looked in Mikinley’s “Oh Say Can You Say Di-no-saur” Dr. Seuss book for the name.

So clearly, I had a rough time breastfeeding and ended up giving up at about two weeks. We went to formula.

I felt like a failure, like many other mothers who are not successful in breastfeeding. I just couldn’t do it.

I wanted to try, but it was hurting my body more than it was helping my baby.

She got the colostrum in the first few days, so I kept telling myself that she would be okay.

But all this hype about the importance of breastfeeding scared me. I was a new mom, unknowing and unaware. Very easily influenced by mom blogs and Facebook posts.

 


 

 

 

 

So when we became pregnant with Brenna two and a half years later, I constantly thought about breastfeeding. Would I even try? Would she be a better latcher, making it less painful? Would my supply be increased since it’s my second child? So many thoughts.

When Brenna was born, the nightmare returned. She did not latch either. I bled even more while feeding her and while pumping. I had an even smaller supply of milk. Why was my body doing this to me–wasn’t I meant to breastfeed? That’s the whole points of boobs, isn’t it??

I couldn’t feed in public or when people were visiting because it was a huge scene—me crying, baby crying, baby not getting any food.

Bedtime was just as dreadful, with Brenna waking up to feed and not getting enough.

After about two weeks of sleepless nights, my husband made a midnight run to Kroger and picked up formula.

Again, I felt like a failure. I cried and cried because I didn’t feel like a good mom, and now we had to pay an assload of money for formula.

I still felt terrible for months.

Then I started to see a few things on social media trying to reassure the moms unsuccessful in breastfeeding. I started to see #fedisbest rather than #breastisbest.

Something clicked.

The whole “moms are meant to breastfeed” bullshit was just that—bullshit.

Not only did my children not latch on their own “like they are supposed to,” but my supply was nonexistent. I don’t know how many times I was told “Your body is meant to be a mother, so breastfeeding will come naturally.”

I was just not meant to breastfeed.
And I’m okay with that.

I made it two weeks with each child—two very painful, stressful, depressing weeks.

But once I started feeding my child formula, she was much more content, I was much more content, and I finally felt that connection between us.

You don’t need your tiddy out to have a great feeding experience with your child.

I’m not in any way condoning exclusively breastfeeding moms—you’re lucky as hell, believe me! Breastmilk is very beneficial in many ways.

But I wanted to voice my opinion.


If you have ever discriminated on either breastfeeding or formula feeding, take a step back and consider the different scenarios. Not everyone can or wants to parent the same way.

At first, I was jealous and bitter about exclusively BF moms—it’s not fair, they got to bond with their child and save a ton of money.

But then I stepped back and realized that that was simply the card they were dealt. Maybe it was luck, or genetics, or freakin magic, but they are just taking advantage of an awesome talent.

Formula-feeding mamas are lucky as well!

First, the fact that formula even exists is a life-saver.

Second, you’ll always have a supply. Whether it’s at home, or you have to run to the store real quick, it’s readily available. If you’re tatas are running short on supply, it can be stressful to try and get enough for a feeding.

No matter how you feed your child, FEEDING YOUR CHILD is what is important.

I hope this post finds someone who is struggling with the emotions of unsuccessful breastfeeding.

It’s tough.

And it’s not for everyone, regardless of what people tell you.

But don’t feel like you’re a failure! Just provide when your baby needs, whether it’s breastmilk, formula, diaper change, cuddles, whatever—this is was makes you a successful mom.

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